I had a emotional day last week.
It was on Tuesday, when for the first time in the long time we had a gloomy, rainy day.
I put the kids down for their nap, and all of a sudden I was hit with a feeling of dread. I thought about this time last year when I was pregnant with Dion, filled with feelings of anticipation, and excitement at what loomed ahead. I had a full year off work ahead of me, and I felt just so content. So as I sat on my couch, and thought about what’s to come, I had a full – on melt down. To the point where I couldn’t catch my breath, as Oprah would say ; I did the ” ugly cry” I just don’t know how it’s already been a year since that time. How in the world is my baby boy 10 months, and my first born in preschool!? I called Steve and he told me that ” I need to concentrate on all the things there is to look forward to, not all that I’ve lost ” and that “I probably just missed them because they were sleeping, and all I needed to do was mother smother them a bit, and I would be fine. ”
Then at that moment Joni texted me, and I texted her back that I was: melting down and needed to talk. And since it’s usually the kids who melt – down in this household, she was a bit confused at first. But once she heard me ugly -cry, she got it. She as well walked me through it. Understood that, “September always seems like a new Season anyways, and it’s O.K.”
O.K, whew.. These are normal feelings right? My kids are older, I am older. Seasons, and life change. We will be entering new routines, new milestones, first birthdays, third birthdays – it’s called life.
I am looking forward to what Fall brings, it’s a special time for us, since our babies were both born in October. And of course there is: Starbucks pumpkin spiced lattes, stroller stride with Mama friends, The Apple barn, carving pumpkins, apple and pumpkin pie smelling candles, hunter boots, and the smell of rain.
I’ll handle this, I’ll do what my rational husband says and embrace all there is to look forward to, and realize that the time that has past, is not lost. It’s not lost at all, because I know I have done my best to treasure every moment, and in fact I just bought this book, which speaks to my Mama heart :
I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living
my baby you’ll be.
I’ll tell you what else makes me happy, these pictures of my Dee – dee. Levi was still napping so we soaked in the rare moment of just the two of us and had fun playing peek a boo in my bed, under the sheets.
Looking forward to all that’s to come 😉